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25 Ways to Know if You’re a True Oregonian

If you simultaneously thought that this was the stupidest title of an article in the universe AND knew you had to read it just to make sure I got everything right, you are in the right place. Welcome home, Oregonian. You and I are from a better state than them all. There is something about…
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Pinterest Soul-Searching

For a long time, I had no idea what Pinterest was all about. It basically looked like the Relief Society took over the internet and then tried to convert the universe. The result? A gajillion pictures of kittens, 5,000 recipes for pumpkin bread and an eternity of articles about how to create party favors out…
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How to Survive the First Week of Teaching High School English – Or Die Trying

The crazy part about being a SAH mom is that I no longer have to deal with the ramp-up and emotional explosion that is THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. Of course, I am buying school supplies (for my own child – novelty!) Still, I see all the half-joking status updates by my teaching friends mourning…
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The Best Water for Skinny Dipping

5 writers walk into a campground. This is either the set up for the worst joke ever, or the premise of a bloody B-movie where all the blondes die in ironic ways. I choose the latter, of course. Actually, my retreat was much less gory than I expected it to be. Also, less dramatic. No…
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The Ballad of the Tweezers: The Dangers of Being Fine

True honesty makes us vulnerable. Most of us spend our whole lives pretending to be the things that we should be. We hide the worst parts of ourselves, hoping that the pretense will somehow overcome the deep-seated secret desires and maladies that lie just out of sight. Most of us won’t tell the truth even…
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Adult Sleepover: Camp Castaway

No one sleeps at a sleepover. Now that I am on the other side of 30, I can clearly see that sleepovers were invented by the Devil. I mean, what good, uplifting stuff happens at a sleepover? Unless you count the transcendental feeling of flying that is induced by 48 hours with no sleep and…
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5 Scary Fairy Tales to Never Tell Your Children

  Werewolves, murderers, water nixies and the devil himself are just a few of the horrors that Grimm collected in their vast story search of the early 1600’s. Scary fairy tales have lived in the minds of creepy Omas and Opas for hundreds of years, just waiting for fresh, young ears to infect. While some…
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Potty Mind

Here’s what they don’t tell you at crazy-camp: being crazy sucks. My blog has turned out to be kind of a weird format where I write stuff that I think is kind of funny or interesting, but not much about what is happening in my life. It works for me, because my life is limitlessly…
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Secret Admirer – A Song

Sometimes I hear a song that makes me wonder how you’d dance. Would you smile or laugh or sing it in a drunken trance? Does you heart beat fast against a girl who looks like me? Do you dare when you’re alone to touch those ancient memories? There are secrets that I keep for both…
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My Apartment Can Beat Up Your House

There is an innate human need for ownership. We are driven to purchase and acquire things that are uniquely ours. I think this is the reason why marriage has become so popular. Why else would a woman or man knowingly sign up for a lifetime of unflushed toilets and arguments over how to insert a…
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Being Fat Is Good For You! – 7 Highly Intelligent Justifications for Eating That Donut

With all the emphasis on “healthy living” and “detoxifying” our lives, I know that it is tempting to stop eating all the crap that is the God-given right of any American citizen. I actually have a friend who has been drinking green water for the last month. “It’s a cleanse,” she tells me. My thought…
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In the Middle: Rainbows and Fences

Rainbows are incredible, you know? They are this amazing thing that combines water and sunlight to create the perfect, ultimate spectrum of color. If you ever just sit and look at one, you’ll see that there are the simple colors (red, purple, yellow), but also infinite gradations of colors within colors. It’s no wonder God…
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