Category: Funny

The Official Site of Author Willow D. Becker

5 Things I Shouldn’t Be Thankful For

  It is incredibly easy to remember all the hardships that happened over the last year. The loss of job, the loss of dog, the loss of my no-pants writing gig. It’s easy to count the losses and grief. I think those things stick in our craw because they are the times that we learned…
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The Follower Rap – Willow Dawn Becker Unleashed!

  A couple of weeks ago, I looked at my Facebook author page and realized that I had close to 500 followers. Being a number-loving kind of gal, I figured that I would turn the upcoming 500 into a real event. So, I decided that I would issue a challenge. It was a fun challenge…
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Turning Holiday Hell Into a Heavenly Christmas: 25 Days of Disaster

  Christmas is a funny holiday around the Willowsphere. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but there are stages of Christmas in my world that are fraught with their own peculiarities and dangers. This is the typical breakdown (both metaphorically and mentally) of how my holiday season looks. Nov. 28: OHMYGOSHCHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMASSSSSSSSS!! Nov. 29: Lights…
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8 Animals That Eat Their Young: What Nature Can Teach You About Parenthood.

Warning: It’s possible that SOME of the “research” in this article may not be entirely correct. All I remember is eating a bunch of chocolate and talking to a lot of random people. I’ve blocked most of it out. Also, I do NOT condone child-eating, unless they’re free-ranch, hormone-free, organic children. Just FYI.  For centuries, science has…
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No. I am not drunk. I’m just inappropriate.

Even though I’m a Mormon, I still get asked sometimes if I drink. As many of my religion would respond, I don’t participate in traditional beverages intended to loosen the inhibitions and make the world look fuzzy. But, I do like to hang out with drunk people in bars. Bar people are my kind of…
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How to Capture and Care For a Unicorn: A Guaranteed 5-Step Method

My brother is single and upwards of 30. This is not a problem, really. Lots of people get married later in life. Indeed, being married is not the end-all be-all of existence. But, I have a feeling he would like to find someone to love forever. Someone beautiful, funny, interesting, creative…someone that is exceptionally rare and…
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Quiz: Do You Have a Twitter Addiction? – Day 4

  After doing extensive research with a number of double-blind studies, many lab animals, and at least 2 assistants who knew calculus, I feel confident that I have created a test that proves whether you do in fact have a Twitter addiction. Just so you know, you can’t eat 24 hours prior to the test,…
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The $2,000 Tampons – A Disgusting Story About My Stupid Pug

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It has been over a month since my last annoying blog confession. And feminine products are to blame. In my life, there has been a clear and obvious trend that I no longer try to avoid. It’s called, “The universal law of everything all at once.” What this…
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Middle School Sucks

  I’m gonna guess that if you’re reading my blog, you are no longer in middle school. Or, if you are, you have somehow hijacked your parent’s computer and are frantically trying to Google “How to delete browser history.” Good luck with that. Middle school is awful. For most of my life, I have believed…
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How Wearing No Makeup Got a Hispanic Lady to Call the Cops on Me

I’m not what you call, “A normal person.” My priorities are, in order: 1. My daughter 2. My husband 3. My writing 4. Everything else I wake up early, work like a dog, get my daughter out of bed, throw some food at her and then whisk her away to school. It’s lucky for her…
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25 Ways to Know if You’re a True Oregonian

If you simultaneously thought that this was the stupidest title of an article in the universe AND knew you had to read it just to make sure I got everything right, you are in the right place. Welcome home, Oregonian. You and I are from a better state than them all. There is something about…
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The Best Water for Skinny Dipping

5 writers walk into a campground. This is either the set up for the worst joke ever, or the premise of a bloody B-movie where all the blondes die in ironic ways. I choose the latter, of course. Actually, my retreat was much less gory than I expected it to be. Also, less dramatic. No…
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