25 Ways to Know if You’re a True Oregonian
If you simultaneously thought that this was the stupidest title of an article in the universe AND knew you had to read it just to make sure I got everything right, you are in the right place.
Welcome home, Oregonian. You and I are from a better state than them all.
There is something about living in Oregon that just makes us…special, you know? I don’t know about you, but there are some very specific things that we do and know that makes us different. From the types of cars that we drive to the types of teams that we support, only someone who is from Oregon really knows what it’s like to be on the inside. It’s not that we’re cliquey and unable to accept outsiders…Oh, wait. It is.
You Know You’re An Oregonian If…
1. You know there is a difference between being from Portland and being from Oregon.
2. You remember when the owls and the loggers got into that big fight: The one where the birds won.
3. You would rather see marijuana legalized than a litterbug go unpunished.
4. You vote democrat for everything except school funding.
5. You will let anyone in front of you during heavy traffic, but constantly cuss out people with California plates for just being on the road.
6. You are so accustomed to town names like Boring, Drain and Half.com that you hardly even noticed when Charlie Sheen was named the mayor of the Oregon town “Idiotville.”
7. You fight the urge to slap anyone who says “Are-egon” and “O-ree-gone.” But we both know that Oregonians can only fight the urge so many times…
8. Despite how morbid it makes you sound, you jump at the chance to quote our high suicide rates. (Pun sort of intended, there)
9. You are either a Duck or a Beaver, but not both. That’s how people go insane. Murder has been committed for less.
10. Portland is either too weird or awesome. As an Oregonian, there are no other correct responses.
11. You have an Oregon town that is named after your family. Hopefully, it’s not Idiotville.
12. You remember when Bagwan Shree Rajneesh became the coolest cult in Oregon. Besides the Mormons, of course.
13. You don’t use an umbrella. If you do, it’s because you’re walking in a hurricane.
14. If you live outside of the state and find other people from Oregon, you immediately assume you’ll be friends for life. And you are usually right.
15. You are openly proud that Zoey Deschanel’s character on “New Girl” is from Oregon.
16. You’ve moved away and you feel guilty every time you look at a map.
17. You compare everything to something in Oregon. (i.e. “These trees look nice, almost like the ones in Oregon.” “This Hawaiian waterfall is pretty. It reminds me of Multnomah Falls.” “I sure wish the sun would go away. It’s never this hot in Klamath Falls.”)
18. You feel most comfortable in earth tones, grey and black. You also notice that other Oregonians are constantly wearing the same colors…
19. You’ll dunk yourself in the Pacific as early as February, but you’ll never stay in it for over 15 minutes straight – not even in July.
20. As an Oregonian, you know all of I-5’s dirty little secrets, including what dessert Rice Hill is world-famous for.
21. You believe that Oregon track and field is more exciting than most other states’ football games.
22. You had or knew someone who had a Prius before it was even cool, OR you have lived on or known someone who lived on a commune. Don’t deny that one of these is true.
23. You have had your share of unemployment, but it’s cool. It just gives you more time to pursue your REAL dream of becoming a professional writer/actor/knitter/game designer/cat trainer/meth dealer.
24. You know for a fact that “The Simpsons” is based on Springfield, Oregon, and you’re willing to punch a man during a drunken trivia contest to defend that assertion.
25. You can’t imagine raising your kids anywhere else than this, the most beautiful, wonderful place on earth. To you, Oregon is better than the garden of Eden because there is no one here telling you what you can or can’t eat.